Food for Thought

Quotes

"It's O.K. to eat when you are hungry and to cry when you are sad. But ice cream won't ever alleviate sadness, and potato chips will not subdue anger."

"There is no food that will fill emotional hunger and no diet that will curb it."

"Physical hunger is when your body needs nourishment. Emotional hunger is when your soul needs nourishment. Find out what it is you are truly hungry for."

from The Don't Diet, Live-It Workbook

There are important reasons why you over or under eat.

Every single time you eat when you are not hungry, obsess about food or your body or don't eat when you are hungry, you are crying for help.

If diets worked most Americans would be thin and happy by now.

"Safely expressing your feelings is the opposite of bingeing."

"As you begin to stop over and under eating, you'll also begin to understand why you did so in the first place."

from The Don't Diet, Live-It Workbook

On any given day 48 million Americans are dieting.

Every year, 65 million Americans choose from 30,000 diet plans.

In 1992, the National Institutes of Health held investigatory hearings and concluded that diets do not work and may even be dangerous to one's health. They also concluded that 98% of those who lose weight on diets gain it back within 5 years and 90% of those gain back more than they lost!

Conservative figures show that 150,000 women die each year from dieting-related causes.

The average fashion model is 5'9" to 6' tall. The average American woman is 5'4" tall. The average fashion model weighs 110-118 pounds. The average American woman weighs 142 pounds.

More than 75% of American women claim they "feel fat."

Statistics taken from: Overcoming Overeating newsletter

Articles

Fat Chat is No Light Matter
by Andrea Wachter, LMFT

As an eating disorders therapist and a woman who spent the majority of my life in the grip of a weight and food obsession, I walk around with my antennae tuned in to whatever might help me understand how we got ourselves into this mess. Obesity is now considered an epidemic. When I talk to people about the dangers of their self-inflicted vomiting, my young bulimic clients tell me, "It's no big deal. Everyone does it." Every day, people die from anorexia-related complications. And let's face it folks: even many Americans of average weight are preoccupied with food and body image.

While waiting recently at a grocery store check-out line, I stood behind a thirty-something mom and her little girl. The mother was chatting on her cell phone while the daughter clung to her mom's leg with one hand, sucking on the thumb of the other.

This is how the mother's side of the conversation went: "Oh, I was so bad yesterday. I had a whole piece of chocolate cake at the party. I am not eating any carbs today. I feel as big as a house."

I wanted to hand the daughter my business card right then and there! I refrained, though, since the kid, still in diapers, was a little too young for therapy.

Your children are listening. They are listening when you partake in what I call "fat chat." They are listening when you say you feel "fat" (which by the way is not a feeling). They are listening when you say you were "bad" or "good" or "evil" or "sinned" because of a food you ingested or passed up. They are listening when you say you need to go to the gym to work off your dessert. They are listening when you comment on other people's bodies or your own. Your children are listening and learning and following suit. And what they often end up thinking is: "I better watch out. I might get fat. Maybe I am fat. I'm fat and people are judging me. I better control my eating. Uh oh, I can't stop eating. Hunger is bad. Fullness is worse."

This is how an eating disorder is born and I spend my days trying to unravel the damage that our culture continues to wreak. Every year, my clients get younger. I have seen six-year-olds who are already dieting and know what carbs, fats and calories are. I worked with a seven-year-old girl who was spitting up her food because she was convinced that calories were bad for her. Last year, I had a nine year old client who had to change her school clothes several times each morning till she found something she didn't feel "fat" in.

Most often, though, people don't get to my door until they have been entrenched in food and weight struggles for many years. While an eating disorder is possible to overcome (if I did it, anyone can, and I don't say that lightly), the longer it goes on, the harder it is to heal. We need to stop it at the ground level. I can't change our media and culture, but I can influence the parents and adult role models who are teaching our children every single day. We can teach our children to relax, listen to their bodies and love themselves, or we can teach them to be anxious, controlling and out of touch with their own hunger and fullness.

I know that it is not the fault of parents for unconsciously passing on unnatural messages about food, exercise and body image. We pass along what we have learned from our crazy culture. I refer to this as "passing the dysfunctional baton".

My message here is not to blame or to shame but merely to highlight the fact that unless we model a healthy, balanced and loving relationship with food and our own bodies, children are at risk for developing disordered eating, poor body image and/or weight problems.

Most of us have been raised to think that loving one's body is "conceited." But what is the alternative? Hating your body? How can that be better?

Take a look at the messages you are teaching. Learn to enjoy food again. Stay conscious of your body's hunger and fullness levels and act on them. Get help if you can't. Treat your body with respect and appreciation. After all, isn't this what we want our kids to do?

Reprinted from: Good Times Santa Cruz - June 9, 2011

Food Fight
by Andrea Wachter, LMFT

From eating disorders to body image issues and dieting–and beyond–two local authors explore what lurks beneath the actions we take around eating. (And not.)

Don't Diet, Live-It!
I often say that trying to overcome food and weight issues in our culture is like trying to recover from the flu while you are living in a petri dish of germs. We are surrounded by unnatural messages about food and unrealistic images of what we should look like and the happiness it would bring if we could only achieve that look. We are encouraged to restrict our food, eat huge portions and listen to diet books and diet doctors rather than our own bodies. It's no wonder that disordered eating has reached epidemic proportions. In my psychotherapy practice as an eating disorders counselor, I treat clients as young as 6 years old who are already dieting and hating their precious bodies. I also work with seniors who have no memory of taking a guilt-free bite of food in their lives, and I treat every age in between. Food and weight issues have no age limit in our crazy culture.

I started my first diet when I was 12 and this began a full-time career of: yo-yo dieting, sneak eating and, eventually, 10 secret years of bulimia. It's tragic to say that I thought about food and weight more than anything else. I was painfully self-conscious about my body and even when I briefly landed at a weight that was considered healthy, I never felt good enough, attractive enough or enough of anything.

Today, I no longer diet or overeat. I no longer have several sizes of clothes in my closet, and I can honestly say that I feel comfortable in my body. And if I can do it, you can too.

In our book, The Don't Diet, Live-It Workbook, my coauthor and I teach the four components of a Live-It, our alternative to a diet. Here is a brief summary of each:

Physical

We were all born with the ability to know when we are hungry, what we like to eat and when we have had enough. We were all born with natural desires to move our bodies in ways that feel good and to rest when we are tired.

But here, in our culture, those natural connections are stolen from us. We are taught that certain foods are good and bad, we are encouraged to drink caffeine if we are tired and we are told how many sets and reps and minutes of cardio we are supposed to do. It is not easy to strike all this from the record, but it is possible!

Emotional

In the same way we are taught that there are good and bad foods, many of us are taught that there are good and bad feelings. We are generally not encouraged to accept and express what we feel.

Over time, you can learn how to better identify what you are feeling and what you need when you are in distress and, eventually, all that excess food and dieting will no longer be needed.

Intellectual

Think about how many silent, self-critical thoughts can take place in the course of five minutes: I feel fat. I hate my thighs. She's so much happier than I am. I shouldn't have eaten that. I shouldn't have said that.

It's no wonder so many people try to comfort themselves with food and dieting. We have no choice about the fact that our mind will think thoughts all day long. That's its job. It's not always a problem. It's only when we camp out on the unhealthy ones or believe the cruel ones that we get into trouble and misery.

We basically have five possible places where our thoughts can land at any given moment:

  1. FUTURE: Fantasy or Hope
  2. FUTURE: Fear, Worry or Dread
  3. PAST: Longing or Wishing
  4. PAST: Resentment, Rehashing or Regret

    5. And now, drum roll here -
  5. The Present Moment

The present moment entails what is actually and factually here. Most of us spend the majority of our time thinking about the future or the past. It's like living in a dream or a nightmare rather than in the here and now. Luckily, we do not have to believe everything we think. We can retrain our brain and learn to live more in the present moment.

Spiritual

Cultures where there is little or no evidence of disordered eating have spiritual practice and meaningful rituals built into their daily lives. Our rituals seem to center less around spiritual matters and more around weight loss schemes and anti-aging creams.

Imagine if we lived in a culture that teaches us we are worthy, no matter what we look like. Imagine a culture that values compassion and kindness more than the number on a scale. Imagine a culture without scales, clothing sizes and mirrors, but rather with the goal of connecting to what is around you and within you?

It is possible to live a full life that is about more than the size of your thighs or the amount of carbs in your day. I wish this for you ...

Reprinted from: Good Times Santa Cruz - February 17, 2011

To Move Or Not To Move, That Is The Question
by Andrea Wachter, LMFT

Having spent the majority of my life in the grips of exercise addiction, I am happy to report that yesterday I spent the morning in bed reading... GUILT FREE!! I then went to work, ate delicious, non-diet meals throughout the day and went to bed without a trace of shame or remorse. Today I took a slow walk in the woods and the only reason I looked at my watch at all was to make sure I would know how much time I had left before I needed to get back. Not because I was calculating my cardio, my calories or my credibility as a human being!

In the same way that the diet industry taught me that there were good and bad foods and my well intentioned family taught me that there were good and bad feelings, the fitness industry did a number on me (and so many of us), with exercise.

We are all born with a natural desire to move, play and rest in our bodies. Thanks to the messages we are surrounded by (but only everyday!) this innate knowing is transformed into an unnatural relationship to cardio counting, sets and reps of weight lifting and a myriad of fitness classes that you may or may not even enjoy. Or perhaps you are on the other end of the pattern and you can barely get yourself to exercise at all.

I hear countless clients telling me about how they "should" get themselves to the gym, they "should" go for a walk, they "should" join that yoga class. What they want to do has gotten so lost in a world of "shoulds" that they can barely even feel what their body is desiring and needing.

I often ask my clients, "If you knew that you could never gain or lose a single pound till the day you die, how much would you exercise? How would you move?" It really changes the playing field, so to speak. So often, faces will soften, deep breaths will be taken. Responses will frequently include: walking slower, moving slower, resting more, stretching more, dancing some. When "exercise" is no longer linked to weight loss or weight maintenance (a.k.a. Self worth) then a person can truly move how they want to move and rest without a shred of guilt.

I remember the day that I took a vow to only move how I wanted. I remember telling a friend how terrified I was. I said, "If I go from running 5 miles a day (which at that point I was whether I wanted to or not!) to only doing what I feel like, how am I not going to blow up? I mean, do the math!" She gently and knowingly replied, "It's not about math, sweetie."

So I decided I would take one week and only do what I truly wanted to do and if after one week, I couldn't fit through the door or my jeans, I would reevaluate the plan. I have never looked back. I look in for my answers now. I rest when I want to. I walk slowly when I want to. I walk fast when that feels right. I do yoga when I want to and if I am planning to do yoga and my body doesn't feel into it, I often end up in the bathtub with a novel. What a concept.

Incidentally, I do the same thing with food and feelings now too! I no longer see foods as good or bad. Every food is created equal to me. Not nutritionally of course, but morally. I approach my meals with only these questions in mind: Is it exactly what my body wants? Is it nutritious and delicious? Is this a loving and honest amount?

As for feelings, well they are the guideposts to it all. So many of us have been raised with well meaning phrases like, "Shhhh, don't cry. Here's your pacifier, or here's a cookie." Or, "Go to your room and come out when you have stopped your tantrum." Recovering from an addiction- be it food, exercise or any one of the many ways we humans can attempt to fill our internal emptiness- means recovering your natural relationship to emotions. Learning to cry when you are sad and safely express anger when you are mad.

The diet and fitness industries and our culture may not have taught us how to eat, move and cry without guilt or shame but fortunately there are many safe places out here where we can learn. Wishing you sweet rest, joyous movement and a peaceful relationship with food and feelings.

Reprinted from: The International Association of Eating Disorders Professionals Newsletter - Sept. 2009

'Manorexia' hits home
Peggy Townsend, Sentinel staff writer

At 13, the shaggy-haired Santa Cruz boy basically stopped eating. In the morning, he would eat half a low-fat bagel with a trace of fat-free cream cheese scraped across the top. At lunch, he would eat half a sandwich. For dinner, he would push his food around his plate but eat almost nothing. Always a little chubby, he watched in satisfaction as the pounds slid off. "I was just trying some self-improvement, some self-discipline," he says sitting in the living room of his comfortable, ranch-style home. "I was just trying to be healthy."

It wasn't long before the boy who loves to skateboard and play video games, weighed only 100 pounds – 45 less than when he started. Alarmed, his mother took him to Stanford Hospital where doctors gave her the news. Her quiet and studious son was anorexic – a diagnosis that most associate with women but is now creeping into the lives of men as well.

Therapist Andrea Wachter, who specializes in eating disorders, has seen it in her Soquel practice as boys as young as 11 have begun to come in for treatment. "In earlier days, boys wanted to look like Brad Pitt," she says. "Now there is such emphasis on weight loss and body-fat count, boys are getting carried away. "They want to look like Lance Armstrong." The boy, whose name is being withheld at his request, shrugs. "I was happy," he says of his self-imposed starvation. "I thought I was doing really well. "I thought not eating was healthy."

A silent problem

This year, actor Dennis Quaid admitted he suffered from the problem in a magazine interview, and the National Institutes of Mental Health says about 10 percent of those with eating disorders are now males. But the number may be even higher because males are generally less open about being anorexic or bulimic, experts say. "I think boys are ashamed to admit they have an eating disorder," Wachter says, sitting in her office with its view of a small wooded arroyo. "They don't want to ask for help." For boys and young men, the seed for an eating disorder is often planted by a coach or schoolmates who may comment about him being fat or slow, Wachter says.

While many may simply shrug off the comment, there are some – more sensitive kids who are often perfectionists and highly motivated – who may take the comments to heart and begin a rigorous diet or start exercising excessively. Even as they lose weight, they see themselves as overweight. They obsess over eating.

For the Santa Cruz boy, counting calories became almost a religion. He studied nutrition labels, went on the Internet to find the caloric value of every food he ate, and dreaded eating at restaurants because he didn't know how to figure out how many calories he had consumed.

Hunger?

"I ignored it pretty much," he said. After awhile he stopped being hungry at all.

"For many," says Wachter who has written a book on body issues, "there is a physiological aspect to anorexia." Its sufferers obtain "a euphoria" from not eating, she says, and then a sense of power because they are often praised for losing weight. "We are the only culture that compliments an addiction," she says.

Catch it early

In the boy's case, it was his mother who noticed her son's dwindling weight despite the baggy clothes he wore and the tricks he used so it looked like he was eating – making a breakfast smoothie but only pouring part of it in his glass and then swirling the thick liquid so it looked like the glass was full. "He got very angry with me when I tried to address the problem with him," she says. "It became a huge control issue." Finally, she took him to Stanford Hospital where doctors promptly hospitalized her son. "I thought they were overreacting," says her son. But they weren't. Complications from anorexia include heart problems, kidney failure and even death, according to the National Institutes of Health. Recently, a 21-year-old Brazilian fashion model died from an infection brought on by anorexia, according to Reuters. She was 5 feet 8 inches tall and weighed 88 pounds. The boy spent two weeks in the hospital, being fed nutritional supplements. It was that experience, says the boy, that actually started his recovery.

"You have to find a reason to get well," Wachter says. "For me," says the boy, "the incentive was not to go to the hospital again." Working with a therapist and nutritionist, the boy learned to eat in moderation and address the issues that brought on the eating disorder in the first place. In addition, the boy's family and a select group of friends rallied around him, avoided blame and dealt with the issue head on. He is now at a healthy weight.

"I think the difference was that we caught it early and addressed it right away," says his mom. The boy kicks his feet against the base of the recliner where he sits. "I guess I would say the best thing is to know that your parents are probably right," he says, "They can help you get through the problem a lot faster."

Warning signs of male anorexia

Reprinted from: Santa Cruz Sentinel - December 30, 2006

Getting Out of the Diet Paradigm
by Marsea Marcus, LMFT and Andrea Wachter, LMFT

It is sad to say that food and weight obsession has reached epidemic proportions in our culture. We are seeing clients as young as 6 years old who are dieting, and women and men in their 70's who have been emotionally eating for most of their lives, and all ages and types of food and weight issues in between. What a tragedy, and at the same time, what a gift for us to be able to share with our clients, the tools and concepts needed to learn to heal from the prison of disordered eating. Each of the therapists at InnerSolutions have struggled with, and conquered, their own food and weight issues, and so we bring to you, not only our professional expertise, but our personal experience as well.

The diet paradigm teaches us that there are "good and bad" foods. You know the drill: Good equals salad, fruit, fat-free, low-carb. Bad is... everything else! At InnerSolutions, we teach people how to listen to their bodies rather than their diet-filled minds when making food choices. This takes time, courage and support. It is critical to learn how to stop restricting and dieting because this only leads to overeating and a preoccupation with food. If dieting worked, most Americans would be thin by now. Additionally, the multi-billion dollar diet industry would be shrinking rather than growing. Dieting leads to overeating and overeating leads most people right back to restriction. The way out of this unending cycle is to reveal and heal the unconscious issues and problems that you have been eating over. It is possible to break free from the chains of food and weight obsession. It is possible to eat delicious, satisfying, moderate meals and not gain weight (unless you are underweight and need to). It is possible to learn to safely express difficult emotions and feel a sense of relief and peace afterwards. It is possible to feel a sense of connectedness and live more in the present moment. It is possible to change some of your internal rules and still be safe in the world. It is possible to live a life that is about more than the size of your thighs or the amount of carbs in your day. We wish this for you...